


Lover of Mine

by sunflowerstyles



Series: Trans!Louis AU [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Louis, M/M, Trans Character, Trans!Louis, gay relationship, trigger warning for those!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowerstyles/pseuds/sunflowerstyles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Harry and Louis wake up together, they discover it's Louis' time of the month. Louis barricades himself in the bathroom and refuses Harry's aid, but it doesn't stop his boyfriend from helping Louis be as comfortable as possible in his own skin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lover of Mine

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER!! If you're trans, questioning, or simply insecure about your gender or body, proceed with caution. It's totally not too bad, but I'm warning you just in case cause theres a bit of body dysphoria and body dysmorphic disorder (just a tiny bit i think!)

Harry nuzzled down into Louis' hair, smiling slightly at the good smell and feeling lots of affection for his boy. 

“Good morning, my love,” he murmured against Louis' head, still half asleep but wanting to acknowledge his boyfriend in his arms before anything else that morning. Having Louis sleep over with him was his favorite way to spend time: curled up close together while reading, watching movies, or sleeping. 

“Mmm, good morning, Hazza,” Louis replied tiredly. He rolled over so he was facing Harry and the two of them shared a sleepy smile. Harry leaned forward a bit to kiss him chastely while holding his jaw in one hand. Louis ran his fingers down Harry's torso to fist his hand around a bit of Harry's shirt as he usually did, but froze when he felt something warm and damp. He hesitantly glanced down and released his hand from the material; it was stained with a small bit of blood. 

Harry gave him a questioning look and gazed downward, seeing the same thing Louis had noticed. 

“Wha… Oh my god, what happened?” he groaned, still too tired to get fully worked up over the situation. “It's… Oh, fuck, it's on the sheets.”

Louis scooted backward and gasped quietly; Harry's sheets had a small blood stain, too. 

Harry tugged down his boxers a bit and lifted his shirt to examine himself for a cut he didn't remember enduring, but Louis had already realized what was happening. 

He shook his head and backed away from Harry, hardly believing the circumstances he found himself in; they were too terrible to be true. 

“H-H-Hazza…” he whispered, sliding off the bed. 

Harry looked up at him with confused eyes. “What is it, baby? I'm okay, what's that look for?”

“It's… It's from me,” Louis said in an agonized voice, covering his mouth and bolting for the bathroom. As he dashed to the other side of the room, Harry noticed a deep red stain on Louis' pale blue boxers near his crotch. 

The realization hit Harry hard, and he paused to contemplate what had just happened, barely noticing the loud slam of his bathroom door and the lock turning. Sometimes he forgot Louis was any different from him, but he supposed Louis didn't mind their differences slipping Harry's mind from time to time. He knew Louis was on testosterone supplements, and he assumed that would be enough to stop any of Louis' menstruation, but, evidently, that had not been the case.

Harry glanced down at the bloodied sheets and his T-shirt, and the feelings of sympathy and a desire to hold Louis in his arms overwhelmed him. He jumped out of bed and bounded over to the bathroom. 

“Louis?” he called, receiving no reply. “Louis, baby?”

Inside the bathroom, Louis sobbed quietly into his hands as he sat on Harry's toilet, unable to make any decision besides remaining where he was. 

“Hey, baby… I'm so sorry, my Louis… It's okay, I… Don't think I'm mad at you or anything like that, you know I'm absolutely not angry, or-or weirded out. I love you, it's okay,” Harry said from behind the locked door. Louis only shook his head and cried harder into his hands. 

“Can… Can I see you, my love?” Harry asked desperately.

“ _ No _ , Hazza,” Louis whined right away. He felt awful, physically and emotionally. He stood up and gathered wad after wad of toilet paper to try to wipe away the mess, but it felt as if the blood wouldn't cease. He sat back down on the toilet and pulled off his boxers completely, totally ruined now in the most embarrassing way. 

Harry tsked outside the door but remained close. “Honey, I… I'm not angry or uncomfortable with you, I still love you all the same, it's really no big deal,” he insisted. 

Louis shook his head hopelessly in disagreement. 

“It's… It's  _ gross _ ,” he said, almost too quiet for Harry to hear. 

“No, it's not. It's just natural, baby… Nothing to be ashamed about, everything's okay.”

“It's  _ not _ okay, Harry!” Louis yelled, anger at himself and the current situation bubbling over. “It's  _ gross _ and I ruined your clothes and your bedsheets and… and  _ everything _ ,” he insisted, terrible sadness lacing his tone. 

Harry felt his heart break with love for his boy when he was so upset, but not being able to help him. Louis was only about eight feet from him, but Harry couldn't hold him and sing to him until the pain faded. 

“My lover, you ruin  _ nothing _ . Please believe me, you don't ruin a thing,” Harry replied, sincerity strong in his voice, but Louis wasn't listening clearly. 

Harry’s use of the word ‘lover’ brought him back to a few weeks ago, when he first began using the term of endearment with Louis. He'd started referring to Louis as his lover after one of the most special nights he’d ever shared with anyone. Louis allowed him to try fingering his bum after he and Harry and a very, very long heart-to-heart about their physical relationship and what they could do to strengthen it. The thought had previously made Louis' skin crawl, being touched in such a way, but he’d come to find out that his boyfriend had a certain knack for melting away Louis' inhibitions with as many kind words and sincere feelings as Louis needed to open himself up to him. That night had meant the whole world to Louis, and Harry calling him his  _ lover  _ made him feel special in ways he never would have imagined. Now, though, the thought of being so intimate made him want to scream, never wanting Harry to be near him when such a situation arose. Louis' dysphoria was growing, weighted on his shoulders as he wished so desperately to have the type of body he desired more than anything.

“I can't… Harry…” he whined, unsure of what to do but knowing he couldn't leave the bathroom anytime soon. 

“Baby, let's talk about this, okay?” Harry suggested, not wanting Louis to spend another second feeling scared and lonely. 

“No… No, absolutely not,” Louis insisted. “We're not talking about this. Go away.”

Harry felt hurt at first, but understood how awful Louis was feeling, too. 

“I… Are you sure?” he tried. 

“Harry, I can't… Not now, please leave,” Louis begged. 

Harry looked down at his bloodstained shirt and nodded, fingering the stained part a little. 

“Okay,” he agreed, gearing up to take his

mind off Louis. “Let me know if you need me, sweetheart. Just yell if you need me to bring you anything at all or you need to talk to me or anything else.”

“Okay…” Louis responded. “Sorry,” he added guiltily. 

“You've nothing to be sorry for, love, it's okay. I understand. I hope you know I still love you more than all the stars in the sky, and I always, always will,” Harry told him. 

Louis cried harder and leaned his face against his palms, sobbing quietly at Harry's sweet words. “I love you, too, Hazza.”

He heard footsteps retreating, and for the next few minutes, he heard the sound of rustling bedsheets. Guilt continued to wash over him: what if the stains wouldn’t come out? What if the sheets were ruined forever?

Other issues arose, too, in Louis' mind. He had no idea how he was going to access anything he needed to get through this. He most certainly would not be asking his boyfriend for feminine care products, that was out of the question. Louis had been humiliated enough for a year. 

He stood up and cleaned himself up a bit, panicking even more at the sight of all the blood beneath him. He sat back down on the toilet and continued to drown in his panicking. 

He sat there for a few hours, leaning against the wall and staring off at the floor as he circled around the thought of having to do something about his current situation and feeling at a loss for any solution. He heard Harry occasionally making noises outside the bathroom door, assumedly fitting clean sheets onto his bed and cleaning himself up a bit. Louis wanted to be in his arms quite badly. 

After a long time of sitting in Harry's bathroom, a knock was heard at the door.

“Hey, Louis?” Harry asked gently. 

Louis cleared his throat and said, “Yeah?”

A short pause was followed by Harry softly saying, “It's been quite a while, my love.  Aren't you getting hungry?” 

Louis gazed sadly at the ground. He  _ was _ growing hungry, but he had no idea how to get out of the bathroom. It had been so long since he had to deal with this kind of problem, and he was intensely dreading taking care of it.

“I… No, Harry,” he answered. Didn't Harry understand there was no way to leave this bathroom without anything to keep Louis from staining his clothes further?

“Baby, c’mon… I love you, I want to help you, yeah?”

Louis sniffled at his kindness and shook his head. “It's… Go away, Hazza, you know I don't feel well,” he offered. 

Harry sadly admitted defeat again. “Call out for me if I can get you anything, my angel,” he told him before walking away from the door. 

Louis felt his chest tighten in despair. He wanted to be with Harry so badly if he was under any other circumstances.

Another hour or so passed, Louis occasionally wiping himself up every now and then. He had gotten up to look through Harry's cabinets at one point, finding nothing he could use to his advantage. He was finally admitting to himself that the only way to leave was to wad up as much toilet paper as he could and fit it in his boxers, which could protect himself from leaking any more while he dashed outside Harry's apartment building and to the drugstore down the street. 

He could see the sun almost starting to lower in the sky, feeling embarrassed at how long he had been hiding away in his boyfriend’s bathroom. 

He prepared himself as best he could, pulling on his stained boxers and flushing the toilet. He remembered where he left his jeans last night and washed his hands quickly before making a break for the exit. 

Once outside the bathroom finally, Louis located his jeans and began tugging them on at rapid pace. He jumped around on one foot as he dressed himself when Harry's newly made up bed made him stop in his tracks. 

He slowly pulled off his jeans and inched closer. On the center of Harry's bed was a small package of pads among a healthy sprinkling of chocolate kisses and a handwritten note. Louis stared at the display for a long moment before slowly reaching out and unfolding the note, which was a piece of notebook paper with Louis' name written on the top in Harry's writing.

_ My lover, _ it read,  _ I don't want you to ever feel as if you can't ask me for anything you need. I love you with all my heart and I would do absolutely anything for you. I don't think a single part of your body or the way your body works is something to feel ashamed about. I hope what I picked up works for you, and if not, just let me know and I can get you whatever you need if you're uncomfortable getting it yourself. Love you forever and ever, your Harry.  _

Louis held the note in his hand as fresh tears came to his eyes. He glanced down and picked up the package, noticing Harry also left him a clean pair of boxers folded underneath. Affection for his boyfriend flooded his heart as tears ran down his face. He knew he may be a bit over emotional at the moment, but Harry's kindness never seemed to have a limit. 

Louis wiped his eyes and sniffled as he grabbed Harry's boxers and carried them to the bathroom with the plastic package. 

He locked the door behind himself and slid off his boxers again. He learned what Harry had picked out for him was exactly what he needed and what he used to use.  _ Of course he'd know what I needed, _ Louis thought to himself. 

He washed his hands and left the bathroom, grabbing a piece of chocolate on his way downstairs to find Harry. He found him working on an early dinner, one of Louis' favorites: fajitas. Louis crept up behind him and slipped his arms around his waist, hugging him tight. 

“My Louis,” Harry exhaled and spun around. He wrapped his arms around Louis' waist and squeezed him tight, abandoning his stove for a moment. 

“I really love you, Hazza,” Louis whispered. 

“Was everything okay? Was that the right kind, honey?” he asked carefully.

Louis nodded and sniffled quietly into Harry's neck. “Um… thank you, love. Thank you for everything.”

“It's no problem, baby. As long as you're feeling comfortable enough to let me hold you,” he said quietly. 

Louis nodded again. “‘M so sorry about the sheets, Hazza… and your shirt, I'm really sorry,” he whispered guiltily. 

“Accidents happen, honey, I promise it's no big deal. My Louis, don't be upset. Just a little accident, it'll wash out,” he said, turning back to tend to his food. He brought Louis in front of him and crossed his arms against his chest, dropping kisses to his hair. 

“I… I'll pay you back for what you bought me,” Louis mumbled after a little while. 

Harry kissed his temple and said,”No, no you won't, angel. It's just as if I picked up some more toothpaste or a cup of tea for you. No big deal, I promise. And you can keep those pads under my sink for whenever you need, sweetheart. ‘Cause I want you feeling comfortable here with me, no matter the circumstances.”

Louis blushed and nodded. “Um, well… Thank you, Hazza… Very, very much. Means a lot, you know…” he said, trailing off bashfully. 

“You're so very welcome, my lover,” Harry whispered. 

Louis closed his eyes and kissed below his ear. He rested his head against Harry's shoulder and smiled at the feeling of Harry's arm around his waist; he was in good hands. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to know what everyone thinks of these fics, if you like this trans!louis AU or if you think it's kind of weird or whatever, I wanna hear your opinions! And please tell me if there are any inaccuracies with gender terms or anything else!!!  
> You can talk to me in the comments or on tumblr, I'm [sunflowerstyles](http://sunflowerstyles.tumblr.com/)  
> there too. Thanks for reading!


End file.
